Tooty the Pooh

A Banjo-Kazooie fan story based on an RP performed by myself and , starring the cute but scarce Tooty, Banjo's little sister, in a Winnie-the-Pooh-esque story. Enjoy!

The picture was drawn by




BANJO-KAZOOIE:
TOOTY THE POOH



The sun was rising lazily over the hilltops, and Spiral Mountain was soon bathed in its bright, early morning glow. Down in his house at the south end of Spiral Mountain, Banjo Bear was sound asleep, snuggled up in his bed, his alarm clock purposely switched off so that he could continue dreaming of sitting by the pond bank, half-asleep and fishing, with nothing but nature all around him. On the hat stand close by his bed hung his blue backpack, and inside slept his bird buddy Kazooie, glad for a chance to sleep in for once as well. This was one of those days where one would hope nothing in particular had been planned for, so that you could an enjoy an hour or so more of blissful dreaming…unfortunately, such was not to be the case today, as when the clock was just barely at 8:00 AM, there came a quick rapping at the door. At first, Banjo, eyes still closed, grimaced and hoped that the tap was just a part of his dream. Perhaps there was a woodpecker in the tree nearby, or maybe the tapping was his fishing pole, jerking because he had caught a bite…but no. The tap came quicker and louder, and Banjo's eyes forced themselves open as he looked about groggily.

"Kazooie…" he moaned, covering his head with his pillow. "Please say this is a bad dream…" He could hear Kazooie's tired and sulky voice through his pillow.

"The only thing worse than a bad dream is sharing it with you, Banjo…" she muttered. Kazooie had never been much of an early bird, and it showed in her tousled feathers and grumpy expression as she glared at the door, where the knocking persisted. "If you don't get that, you're gonna find a "surprise" in your underwear drawer…"

"Ugh…I don't mind surprises in general, but it's yours I draw the line at…" Banjo forced himself out of bed, his fur messy and unkempt, his eyes slits from the early morning light filtering through his curtains. He crossed to the door and opened it, peering out into the distance. It wasn't until he looked down that he finally located the source of the disturbance: his little sister, Tooty, grinning up at him, hands behind her back.

"Good morning, big brother!" she chirped in a sunny voice.

"…Tooty, do you know what time it is?" Banjo asked drowsily.

"Hmph!" Tooty huffed, fists on her little hips. "I come all this way to see you, and that's the best greeting you can come up with?" Banjo sighed.

"Sorry, sorry…" He cleared his throat, and put on his best "morning smile". "Hi, Tooty! My, you're up early! What brings you here?"

"That's better," said Tooty, her grin returning. "But did you already forget? You said I could come over for breakfast one of these days. You promised." Banjo scratched his bed-headed head, trying to gather his momentarily scattered thoughts. Tooty rolled her eyes. "Breakfast, silly! Remember? You said I could come over for breakfast!"

"OH! NOW I remember!" said Banjo. "Sorry, Tooty, really! It's just, you never really said when that day would be."

"I wanted it to be a surprise, big brother!" chirped Tooty, smiling from ear to ear. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, come right in!" Tooty skipped inside. Kazooie had gone back to sleep in the backpack. Tooty skipped over and shook the hat rack the backpack was hooked on. Kazooie squawked with fright and poked her frizzy head out, glaring sleepily at Tooty.

"…You don't have any respect for beauty rest, do you?…" she snapped. Tooty just giggled.

"Aww, Kazooie, you'd have to sleep for a week to get the right amount of beauty sleep!" Kazooie's glare became icier, but Tooty was oblivious to it. Banjo ambled over to the kitchen.

"What are ya hungry for, Tooty?"

"Honey on toast!" she chirped. Kazooie made a gagging noise.

"What do you bears see in that icky-sticky stuff?" she griped. "Besides, it's not doing your figure any justice, half-pint." Tooty looked startled at that statement. It was true that Tooty wasn't exactly skinny, and had a noticeably round but cute belly, but no one had ever drawn attention to it before. Then again, it seemed fitting that loud-mouthed Kazooie would be the first to bring it up.

"Honey's good for you," she responded, cheekily, "and it looks like YOU don't need it to put on pounds." Kazooie looked indignant, her wings going to her hips.

"Are you calling me fat??" she squawked. Tooty looked away, innocently. Suddenly, Banjo closed the pantry door, looking troubled.

"We're all out of fresh Honeycombs," he explained. "Dunno how that happened." Kazooie rolled her eyes, but didn't retort, as it would have been pointless to remind Banjo of just how prodigious his own appetite was. "Now what are we gonna do?" Tooty thought for a moment, then looked as if she had an idea.

"Big brother! I know where I hid away some Honeycombs from long ago! With luck, they're still fresh! I can go get them if you want me to!"

"Great idea, Tooty!"

"Anything to get you out of my feathers a while longer…" Not hearing this snarky answer, Tooty hurried off out of the house and down the path through the field of daffodils. She could still vividly remember when it was here that the old witch Gruntilda had abducted her and made off with her to her lair, all for the purpose of stealing her cuteness…she shuddered a little as she continued on, until she came to a low, small opening in the base of a huge, old tree. Tooty smiled; this was her secret spot, where she used to go when playing hide-and-seek with Banjo. He hardly ever found her there, and there were quite a few Honeycombs down there that should still have been fresh. Of course, any honey expert would tell you that liquid honey is actually incapable of expiring, but Tooty was too young to know that, and didn't really care about the facts at the moment. Getting down on her hands and knees, she began crawling into the little hole. It was a bit of a tight squeeze for her small, pudgy body, but with a few wriggles, she managed to pop herself through. Inside, it was cool and dark, with a sandy bottom, but at the far corner was an enormous heap of glistening, golden Honeycombs. Tooty's mouth watered just at the sight of them, and she was about to grab a few to take with her…when a thought came over her.

"There's plenty in here," she reasoned to herself. "And I'm REALLY hungry right now. I'm sure big brother wouldn't mind if I just had a few before I returned. He won't notice." So thinking, she picked up one of the large, shiny Honeycombs and began to devour it. Then she did the same to another…then another…then another…

It would be speculation if we'd attempt to calculate how long she kept at it, but eventually, her appetite was finally appeased. By no means were the Honeycombs completely depleted, however. There was still a good several left, but Tooty had eaten nearly half of what had been stored in that little cave, and it certainly showed. Her belly, which had already been pudgy and rounded, had become quite fat and soft, so that her favorite little red T-shirt could scarcely conceal it, poking out like a soft, furry bump. She was very satisfied, however, giving a small sigh and rubbing her swollen tummy, flecks of gooey honey still on her cheeks and lips. However, she snapped out of her contented stupor when she realized what she was supposed to be doing.

"Uh oh! I was supposed to bring the Honeycombs home! Banjo must be wondering what's taking me so long!" Nearby the pile was a little burlap sack that had been previously used to cart the Honeycombs to the hole in the first place. With this, she stuffed it full with what remained, restraining herself from sneaking another one. She then pushed the bag through the entrance, where it settled onto the soft grass. She then poked her head and arms through, bracing her paws against the tree trunk so she could heave herself out. But at the first push…she didn't budge. Puzzled, she tried again, but still didn't move an inch. All she felt was a pressure on her middle. Suddenly, it hit her. She looked back, and there was her stomach, completely filling the little gap, now too big to fit back out. She was stuck. "Oh no…" she moaned. "I shouldn't have eaten all that honey…I hope someone can hear me." Cupping her paws to her mouth, she called out as loud as she could. "HELP! BANJO! KAZOOIE! HELP!" Her voice echoed shrilly through the meadows. She didn't hold out much hope, as the tree was quite a ways from Banjo's home. On top of that, she hoped to goodness that he hadn't fallen asleep again, or she'd really be in trouble. As she sat there, ears perked, she immediately began cooking up excuses for her tardiness and her present condition. If she told the truth right off the bat, there was a good chance Kazooie would never let her live it down. She was never one to pass up the chance to make fun of someone in an embarrassing situation, and she was no exception…

"I think it came from this way!" Tooty froze. That was Banjo's voice! He had heard! Quickly, she lay herself on the grass, looking as if nothing was wrong. Banjo, fully alert now, Kazooie in his backpack, hurried up the path and stopped in front of her, somewhat perplexed at what he saw. "Tooty? What's wrong? I heard you scream."

"Oh, hi! I was just having trouble carrying the Honeycombs out. The bag's pretty heavy, so I couldn't lug it by myself. Could you help, big brother?" She looked up at him and gave him her best innocent look, eyes big and shiny.

"Of course, Tooty," said Banjo, kindly. "How come you're hanging out of that hole, though?"

"Oh, I was just resting a bit. The grass is so soft and warm, and it was a long walk over here." Shrugging, Banjo lifted the sack up off the ground. "Huh…not very heavy to me…but then again, you ARE smaller…Ah well, let's get started on that breakfast." So saying, he started off, but stopped when he noticed that Tooty wasn't following. "Tooty? Come on, let's go."

"I'll be right with you, big brother," she said, and started pushing off the ground, hoping that Banjo didn't suspect that she was too big to get out. Suddenly, to her dismay, she heard Kazooie speak.

"Is she…I can't believe this!" Her voice was between disbelief and laughter. She hopped out of the backpack and came over to Tooty, peering at her suspiciously. Then suddenly, she burst into laughter, causing Tooty's face to redden. Banjo was confused.

"What the hey is so funny, Kazooie?"

"She's stuck, that's what!" Kazooie squawked out, nearly gasping from laughing so hard. "I knew you were fat, Tooty, but come on, this is just ridiculous!"

"I'm NOT fat!" Tooty snapped. "This hole's just a little smaller than I remembered. It's been years since I used it, so don't get any ideas, birdbrain!" Her cheeks were as red as Kazooie's plumage, and the sides of the hole were digging into her soft sides. She tugged a little more, and her shirt rode up a bit, so that it was visibly plain that her belly was too big to squeezes out, and was packed in pretty tightly. Upon seeing this, Kazooie laughed even harder, flopping onto her back and kicking her skinny yellow legs, beating the grass with her wings. Tooty looked like she was about to cry from all of this, and might have if Banjo didn't, at that moment, step over and kneel down by her. First he looked at Kazooie with an icy scowl.

"Quiet, Kazooie! This isn't funny!"

"Y-You're right…it-it's not…" Kazooie gasped out. Then, her voice becoming even more high-pitched, she shrieked, "IT'S HYSTERICAL!" She laughed even harder, but Banjo, fed up, grabbed her neck as if he were picking up a wine bottle, stopping her laughter and exchanging it for gagging. He crammed her inside his backpack and clasped it shut, leaving an air hole for her, but now from her position, she couldn't poke her head out to look at Tooty. "Spoilsport," she muttered. Banjo turned his attention back to Tooty.

"Now, Tooty, what happened, really?" Tooty looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry…I came in and was gonna get the honey…but I was really hungry, so I treated myself to a few combs of it…I got a little carried away, and now I'm too fat to get out…" She sniffled, and a tear rolled down her cheek. Banjo, however, put his hand under her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking into his eyes.

"Don't worry, Tooty. I'm gonna find a way to get you out. I promise."

"Banjo…" She wanted desperately to hug him for his kind words, but she couldn't reach that far, so she contented herself in clasping her little arms around his burly arm. He smiled and ruffled her fluffy blond hair. "Let's see if we can pull you out first." He stood up and took hold of her arms, then he tugged hard on them. Tooty cringed and jerked forward, but her belly kept her from moving any further, no matter how hard Banjo pulled, squishing against the opening like a pillow being stuffed in a laundry chute. After a few more tries, Banjo paused to rest.

"Man…you're in there pretty tight, Tooty."

"I know…" she said, sadly.

"Looks like we're gonna need some expert help." He got up and started to walk off. For a split instant, Tooty was afraid he was about to abandon her, but her fears were dissuaded when she saw him cross over to a familiar mound of earth and tap on it with his knuckles. There came a scuffling, and from the dirt popped the long-snouted, bespectacled face of Bottles, the mole who had taught Banjo and Kazooie everything to know about special field moves.

"You rang?"

"We've got a bit of a situation, Bottles." Banjo gestured over to Tooty. When Bottles saw her, he gasped, leaped out of his burrow, and hurried over to her.

"Are you all right, Tooty? What happened?"

"I'm ok, Bottles, really…I'm just stuck, that's all."

"Can you burrow inside that cave and see if you can help some?" Banjo asked.

"I'll certainly see what I can do." Adjusting his glasses, Bottles burrowed back underground. Tooty could hear him scuffling below, and then heard the distinct sound of him resurfacing. His eyesight was bad enough, but in this darkness, worsened by Tooty's body completely blocking the hole, Bottles was blind. "I need a light in here, Banjo!" Upon hearing this, Banjo instinctively unclasped his bag, and Kazooie popped her head back out.

"Goggle Boy needs a light? I'll give him one!" she said deviously. Before Banjo could stop her, the rude Breegull spat a crackling Fire Egg down into the tunnel. She grinned with satisfaction when she heard Bottles yelp with pain from inside the cave. Angered, Banjo shut her back up in the pack.

"Well, Beaky actually helped me in a way," Bottles said, calmer now. "This Fire Egg's just what I needed." Inside the cave, Bottles set the Egg so that its orange-red glow could light up the area he needed to see. "Oh dear…" he muttered, upon seeing Tooty's wedged belly. "It looks like someone's been having a little too much honey." Tooty blushed. "Well, let's see if we can dig you out first." He sets his claws to work, scraping away at the dirt wall, but unfortunately, he didn't get far. It seemed that underneath the dirt, the roots of the tree formed the shape of the hole, and it was in this little, hard-as-rock gap that Tooty was now trapped, her tummy pinched as if in a vice. "Well, that's a no-go. She's right in the root of the problem, so to speak." Tooty moaned when she heard this, as this meant it would be even more of an issue to uncork her. "Guess we'll just have to give it a go the old-fashioned way. I'll push, you pull, Banjo." Nodding, Banjo took Tooty's paws again. "Forgive me for this, Tooty," Bottles said apologetically, putting his own paws on Tooty's rear.

"At this point, I don't care what happens, as long as I get out," Tooty said. At Bottles' signal, Banjo pulled hard while Bottles pushed. Tooty grimaced in pain, and her pudgy middle squished against the roots, still not willing to release her. The two kept it up for several minutes before calling it quits.

"Sorry, Tooty…" Bottles panted. "But this…is a really sticky situation."

"I figured…" Tooty said, dejectedly. Tears began forming in her little eyes. "Now I'm never going to get out of here…Kazooie was right. I'm just a little fatty, and I'm paying for it…" Her tears dropped onto the grassy ground like raindrops as she sobbed. It went to Banjo's heart to see his poor little sister like this…

"…You will get out, Tooty," he croaked, his voice hoarse with suppressed sadness. "I'm not gonna let ya suffer in this condition any longer!" Tooty looked up, admiringly, at her big, strong older brother, all traces of laziness vanished. "Hang on, Tooty. This may hurt, but we don't really have a choice…" Tooty nodded, and Banjo re-gripped her paws. "Ready, Bottles?"

"Ready when you are, Banjo!" Bottles called. He, too, had been quite moved by Banjo's determination.

"…Now!" Bottles pushed hard again, and Banjo, summoning every ounce of strength in his bear body, tugged hard, growling with the effort. At first, Tooty still didn't move…but then…she felt herself inch forward. Then again! She was coming loose! Excitement surged through her little body as Banjo heaved hard, his muzzle as red as Kazooie's feathers, Bottles shoving all the while. At last, after a prolonged period of seemingly no progress-

POP!

Tooty came flying out of the hole, nearly bringing Bottles with her. The force of her extraction sent her and Banjo tumbling in the grass, rolling like a pair of dogs wrestling. At last, they came to a stop, Banjo on his back, Tooty sitting on his chest, looking quite bewildered. For a while, all they could do was sit there, panting. Then…Tooty started laughing. Soft at first, then into a full-fledged giggle fest. Not really sure why, Banjo soon joined in, and the two just kept laughing until they ran out of breath.

"Why were we laughing?" Banjo asked, once he had gotten his breath back.

"Because it feels like when we were kids," Tooty said, still giggly, "when we used to tumble and I'd always end up on top of you." Banjo smiled and sat up, shifting Tooty to his lap. He could now clearly see how round her belly had gotten.

"A few combs, huh?" Tooty blushed again.

"Sorry…I couldn't help myself…"

"Ah, it's no big deal, sis. Just shows how much you love Honey. Like the whole family. Heck, Uncle Fergus must've been twice your size at your age." He playfully poked Tooty's belly, making it jiggle and her giggle. Suddenly, she threw her arms around him, resting her head against his chest.

"Thanks, Banjo…I dunno what I'd have done if you hadn't helped…" Smiling, Banjo hugged her in return. Suddenly, with an irritated squawk, Kazooie's head burst from the pack. Her feathers were unruly.

"What the heck was going on out there?! All of a sudden, I felt like I was in an earthquake, then I was getting squished by you two fatties!" Banjo was about to protest at this, but Tooty, quite fed up, grabbed Kazooie by the beak and drew her face in dangerously close to hers.

"Listen, you acid-tongued beak-brain…" she said, her voice icy and threatening, "I've had a really rough morning, and unless you want that same kind of morning someday, you'll shut up and give me some peace and quiet! Got it?" To Banjo's surprise, Kazooie looked quite apprehensive.

"Yes, ma'am…" she mumbled through a closed beak.

"Good!" Tooty said, returning to her sunny self and releasing Kazooie's beak. "Now come on, big brother! Let's go have some honey on toast!"

"Won't say no to that!" said Banjo, getting to his feet with a grin.

"You too, Bottles! You helped out as well!"

"I'd be delighted!" said Bottles, joining them. "I'd never miss out on sharing a meal with the one girl who can make Featherhead zip it!"

"Don't get your hopes up, Bottle Breath…" Kazooie said sourly under her breath as they made their way back towards home…


THE END